my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize