Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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