I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
