I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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