this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
