i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
