we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
