i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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