So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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