I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
