What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
