so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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