forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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