Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
