Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We left the knife in your bed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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