weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
