i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
