At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
