the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
