somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
