i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
