Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
