$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
