Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
