i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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