i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
