the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
