you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
