He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
