the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
