At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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