dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
