We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize