Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize