Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
