thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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