I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
