No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
