lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
