Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
