Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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