We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
