I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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