In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
