mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
