i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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