She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
