and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
