Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
