You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize