Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
