I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
