i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize