i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
