Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
