you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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