I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
