Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
