Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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