mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My liver just broke up with me...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
