my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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