I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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