haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
