I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
