wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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