saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
