I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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