but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize