I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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