i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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