You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
