My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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