WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
