You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
