i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
